Emma is a gardener. She likes to grow things in soil, both in the garden and inside on window sills. Recently, she was given a bunch of mushroom kits from a chap on Twitter (I think). I have a love-hate relationship with mushrooms – on the one hand they’re an almost perfect food: healthy, plentiful, nutritious and meat-free. I’m learning to like them in meals after years of turning my nose up at them. I’ll eventually get used to them, I’m sure.
It’s not all good, however. The downside to home mushroom kits is the appearance of fungus gnats from the soil. Not only are they buzzy and annoying, they are attracted to my computer screen and so get in my eye line. I’ve squashed upwards of 30 today, far more than the average daily squashing of 5 or so. I could get cross and complain, perhaps moan to Emma that I don’t want our house overrun with legions of fungus gnats. Since I’m all about the positivity these days, including trying my best to be a better husband, that won’t make anything better.
Clapping them between my hands keeps the numbers down, and I’ve found that making a noise like a kung fu master at the same time – with some swearing at the end in the same style of voice – makes the whole process way more entertaining, and marital harmony is maintained.